Monday, July 25, 2011

Leave Ovi Alone!

Ask any actual Caps fan (i.e. someone who can name the whole roster) about Alexander Ovechkin, and you will start to think you are listening to a broken, and whiny, record: "He's lazy," "He's out of shape," "He never wins anything important," "He's not a good leader," "He's fat," "Crosby's not fat!". Actually, that last one would be thrown out by a Pittsburgh fan in defense of their favorite boy toy, but the Penguins are so pathetic they couldn't even prevent Methuselah Jagr from signing with the equally-terrible Flyers. If you are a fan of either of those God-awful teams, I am sure you could overcome your personality defect and if not root for the Caps, then at least root for the Senators or something. Flyers fans would find that to be an easy transition, seeing as Ottawa also believes that good goalies are just a myth, much like unicorns or Tampa Bay Lightning fans (joke courtesy of the Bruins). Now that I have gotten my jokes that only I think are funny out of the way, I can defend the honor of our captain, Alex Ovechkin. I am sick of hearing people trash my favorite Russian because they think he is out of shape and that his healthy love of leisure is the main reason that the Caps haven't won a Cup since he's been in DC. I am sure all of these arm-chair hockey coaches have six-packs, run monthly marathons, and never go on vacation, but according to national statistics, these people are probably overweight vacationers that only run if there's a fire; therefore, I think people should think twice before they criticize Ovi, and to prove it, here are 3 reasons why he's awesome.
Even the best basketball players want his autograph. That's right, I think Lebron is great.
3. His Lifestyle
Alex Ovechkin isn't just a ridiculously talented hockey player; he lives every man's dream life. Ovi drives the best cars, dates the prettiest girls, and makes a living having fun. Other people's lives don't depend on his success or failure; he's paid to play a game, not perform brain surgery. As long as he still gives it his all out there on the ice, I don't care what he does in his free time. I think people that criticize his lifestyle are just jealous that they can't live like that.
I bet the only exercise Mr. Piggy gets is lifting thin women.
Oh my God, he drives a fast car? He must be too lazy to walk!
2. His Play
Ovi is pretty freaking good at what he does. In case you haven't watched hockey in the past six years, here's a video I edited together from Youtube footage to prove it. The song in the background is "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO, and I do not intend any copyright infringement by using it here. It is a cool song, and you can purchase it here.

1. His Personality
One of Alex Ovechkin's most appealing qualities, in my eyes, is that he's a fun guy with a lot of energy and a goofy smile. He is a lot of fun to watch because he isn't afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve. He celebrates wildly when things go his way, and if someone crosses him he makes them pay for it. He injects some badly-needed personality and candor into a league that often lacks it. He can be as entertaining as Chad Ochocinco, but without the awful reality show and fool-hardy attempts to branch out into bull riding. Unlike his most famous rival, Ovi is easy to root for and easy to like.
pictured: fun 
This dweeb went all the way to Cannes and he couldn't even meet Brangelina.

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